Unfirmations

I'm never going to be athletic.
I'm never going to be golden-tan.
I'm never going to learn the trapeze.
I'm never going to write a novel.
I'm never going to be clean and sober.
I'm never going to learn French.
I'm never going to go to therapy.
I'm never going to be religous.
I'm never going to stop making dorky noises and rolling around in bed like a puppy.
I'm never going to become a great chef and roast lobsters and stuff pidgeon.
I'm never going to be a Paris showgirl at the turn of the Century (damn!).
I'm never going to own a parrot.
I'm never going to be a train-hopping hobo.
I'm never going to join a band.
I'm never going to dye my hair black.
I'm never going to be one of those people obsessed with their cat.
I'm never going to stop loving my family, and friends, and lover, and ex-lover, and...whew!
I'm never going to "tone it down".
I'm never going to become a teacher.
I'm never going to start collecting Santas or teddy bear figurines or stuff from the Franklin Mint.
I'm never going to make conversation by talking about the great deal on drapes I just got at Wal-Mart.
I'm never going to let up on the relentless optimism.
So everyone can just get over it and I can get over it too!

Gosh, that was cleansing!

In other realms I've decided to stop swearing. Its totally passe. Some real zingers are losing their shock value. Some Blue words are becoming Beige by being repeated by highschool students at the rate of aprox. 15 times every sentence.
I'm going to start by not swearing online. Then, not swearing in public in the real world. Then, not swearing in private among my filthy and foul-mouthed friends. Then, I shant swear even when I am alone in a closet with the lights off in an empty house after the apocalypse!
I fucking swear it!
(no really)