The Elven Princess

Against my better judgement i share this letter i wrote (o.k., it's an email) back when i was soooo emo it hurt (of course). I just love the way it is written. This is one of the high points in my flowery writing career (discovered this today in the "drafts" section of my email. i edited the names out...i have SOME discretion!).

"How I Have Been

The elven princess has been her same ol fucked up self, kissing boys then saying she did not, walking on a moonlit beach at three in the morning afetr nick cave (swoon), wrapped in a wool blanket and feeling her heart blossoming pain and confusion in her throat.
She has been wishing she was unwanted by all but herself, since that's the only person she is good at being true to.
***** is in love with her and so is *****. She loves them both in different ways, but not enough to be with either right now.She hurts someone each times she moves. Hearts break when she twists her spine.
snap snap snap
she is tired of hurting people who only want to love her and make love to her and have her love shining on them and enfolding them as she knows it can enfold: completely, but loosely. Like an aura or a soul. She does not want to withhold this love from anyone who asks for it. She is loose like her love. She drinks the want of her like sweet wine. She knows that she possibly doesn't deserve it, and that makes her want it more while it lasts.
She is waiting for the moment when they realize that she is an evil bitch and ditch her once and for all.
Nothing can happen. The moon is stuck on pause. Her breath is frozen. Her hair has turned the color of madrone. Her heart is a gasping child, measuring breaths by the ticks of a non-exisistant clock affixed to an invisible bomb. There is only silence where her heart was.
It is waiting for the detonation.
Love, Kai"

So yes, things are better now, though less epic and romantic and tortured. This is the time in my life during which I lost like, 10 pounds because I was too sad to eat. Those times are gone gone gone.